The day was one of those warm, sunny days you catch toward the end of Winter. A friend was visiting, and as we sat on the deck basking in the warmth and coolness of the day, she blurted out. “How do you forgive someone?” I answered verbatim by the Bible, but my friend was persistent. We would stray to other topics about the kids, what God was doing in our lives, our dreams, goals, etc., but she would come back and ask the same question in a roundabout way. “So say your friend or a family member keeps doing things to hurt you, how do you forgive?”
My African culture and upbringing (which prohibits me from being open about my life to others) had held me back from sharing with her my own personal experiences how Christ had taught me the great lesson of forgiveness just a few months ago. I had shared with her God’s Word on the subject, but as I swallowed hard, I knew God wanted me to also speak on how he had helped me overcome this very sensitive subject that so many of us struggle with.
My husband is a very giving person and one of, if not, the kindest person I know. About twelve years ago, we were moving out of state so he could attend Bible school, so wanting to bless a good friend; he sold a very lucrative business of ours for $2. We did, however, continued to be landlords of the buildings where this friend operated his business. Since we lived in a different state, we trusted this brother to take care of the property and the business. However, this was not the case. Our friend misused the funds and did no upkeeps of the buildings, equipment nor kept the agreed upon monies in escrow for maintenance. Eventually we had to evict him in order to gain control of our properties and rebuild them. The wife had no intentions of leaving and in fact wanted to continue using our facilities and pay a fraction of the rent or preferably no rent at all and would pay piece meal whatever she desired. They took us to court for evicting them. Imagine that! Thousands of dollars of lost rent and lawyer fees later, we were finally able to regain control of our buildings. In addition, the buildings were in such deplorable conditions that it took additional thousands of dollars to repair them.
Needless to say, you can imagine the many open doors for hurt, anger, resentment, hate, questions, revenge, etc. How could anyone act that way to someone who had been so gracious to them? We could have sold the business for six figures profit, but instead, literally handed it over to this friend.
It was a tough time for me and my husband. We doubled our prayer time, interceded all the time. I developed a refrain to help keep my sanity and stay in God’s Word and ordinances. I would constantly repeat through the day (with my husband’s guidance) Lord, I choose to bless them. Lord, I choose to bless <I would mention the husband & wife’s name individually>. Many times, my flesh would want to quote the scripture (whatsoever a man sows, that shall he also reap), but my loving husband would steer me right back to blessing them. While the scripture about sowing and reaping is right and okay for me to say, the soil of my heart was too corrupted to speak that without any ounce of venom corrupting my words.
One of my daily pleasures in life is waking up early in the morning and walking and talking to God. I love to sing this old hymn, I come to the Garden Alone. During this time, I remember, I would step out of my home and as soon as I got a few steps away, I would burst into tears. It wasn’t just that, we had also helped another friend who was unemployed at the time and had loaned her one of our cars because her newly bought car had been repossessed. To cut a long story short, when she finally got another job and we went to collect our car she refused to return it, claiming we had given it to her. So you can imagine. It was not a pleasant time for us then.
One morning, in the stillness of my walk, I heard God say, “You have to release them as I released you. Forgive them even as I have forgiven you. Bless them as I have blessed you.” God wanted me to desire these people to prosper. That hit me hard. I knew all that, but what I heard was God commanding me, showing me how to ease the pain and heal and move on. It wasn’t easy, but I started coming every morning, and every morning as I walked with God, I released and forgave and blessed these people over and over. Then God brought other people, in my Church, my work, my family, immediate and extended, and others who had in some way or other offended and caused pain to me and my family. So at every rising and setting of the sun, I would walk and release, forgive and bless all these people. I did this day after day, and repeated it over and over till I began to feel the weight lift off of me . . . but God wasn’t through with me yet.
When I thought I was almost there, He asked me a very important question, “What about those whom you have hurt and offended?”
Who Me? I asked God. This isn’t about me, I reminded Him.
Remember, people hurt you and go about their business, without giving you a second thought. Forgiveness is for you to heal so there are no open doors, no hindrances in your walk. Yes, it cuts deeply when people offend and abuse you (especially close friends and those in the Church), but remember that their action is between them and God. How you respond is also between you and God and critical to how you move beyond the pain.
Before you begin to feel that you are better than those who’ve caused you pain, allow God to bring to your remembrance what you have done to others. In the gentlest way that only He knows how to do, God began to bring to my remembrance those whom I had hurt either by my behavior, my words, or lack, starting with my husband, my children, friends, family members—I was humbled real quick. (It was during this time that I wrote A Mother’s Letter to Her Children which I shared on my Mother’s Day post).
God commands us to pray and forgive those who wrong us. I encourage you today that if you’re hurting deeply from something someone has said or done to you; whether it’s someone at work, family members, your spouse, take some time and allow God to heal your pain. In the meantime, choose to release them from hatred of the heart. Forgive and bless them even as Christ has done for you, and don’t forget, ask God to show you those you have hurt and offended and pray that they will release, forgive and bless you too.
One thing I’ve learned is that when I do things to bless others, I do it as doing it for God and expect nothing from them in return. They owe me nothing. No thanks. Nothing. God is the one who rewards me and He has proven that everyday.
We truly serve an Awesome God!
Stay Blessed,
~Arama Christiana
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